Princess Taye - My life as an Uber driver #2

It was 4:00 on Saturday afternoon.  I had been back and forth to the tennis tournament in Indian Wells several times and I was ready to log off and head back home to Palm Springs, 40 minutes away because we had dinner plans that night.  But, I kept the Uber app open hoping I would “catch” someone heading back to the center of civility in the desert (Palm Springs), away from the burbs that sprout the Westfield Mall, Outback, Red Lobster, and …. The tennis garden.  The Uber app pings.  I have a rider 9 minutes away in Rancho Mirage on my way back home.  The name is “Taye.” And I am unaware I am about to meet royalty.  I will call her “Princess Taye.” And, yes, she thought she was truly worthy of the regal treatment!

I follow the map Uber has provided me to the Princess’ home and nine minutes later, the problems begin.  The app takes me to a gate at a private community that is only accessible if you are a resident.  The sign says visitors can only enter the gated complex at Bob Hope Drive entrance, which is another two miles away.  You back up, you get back on the road, and you now search on your own without the help of the GPS to find the Bob Hope Drive entrance.  Eventually, I got there where I was met by Mac, the security guard, who apparently had regularly dined on his namesake “Big Mac” through much of his life.  The man was immense (that is being kind).

Me:  “Hi Mac, I’m Dan, an Uber driver and I am here to pick up Taye at 23 Nice Lane.”

Mac:  “Your name is not on the list.”

Me:  “OK. Well, could you call Taye because Taye (not sure at this point if Taye is a he or she) is waiting for me.”

Mac: “Hold on.” Mac then moves his large frame into the guard shack and emerges a few moments later.  “Ain’t no answer at 23 Nice Lane.”

Me (thinking, ummm):  “OK, well, I can try calling Taye on the Uber app on my phone (if it works) and Taye can let you know that (he/she) is expecting me.”

Mac: “Well, OK.”

As cars stack up behind me waiting to get in, I press the button on the app that sometimes connects you with the rider.  The Uber app for drivers really sucks.  After six rings, Taye does finally answer (and, for the first time, I realize Taye is a she, not a he). 

Taye:  “Yes????”

Me: “Hi Taye, this is Dan, your Uber driver.  I am at the gate but the guard won’t let me in.” 

Taye:  (deep distressed moan) “Let me talk to him!”

Me: “Hey Mac, she wants to talk with you.”

I’m on a speaker phone so I can hear the whole thing.

Mac:  “You want the Uber driver to come to your home?”

Taye:  (in a bitchy tone) “Yes, of course I do, I wouldn’t have called for a ride if I didn’t want it. Would I?”

Mac: “OK, what’s your security code?”

Taye: “What?????”

Mac:  “Your security code.  You know I can’t let anyone in without getting your security code.”

Taye: “Ah Jeez, hang on.”

As cars are backing up onto Bob Hope Drive, I ask Mac to yield to common sense and allow me in to pick up Princess Taye.  No good. No one is getting past rent-a-cop Mac, including me or the growing line of frustrated “legitimate” visitors stacked up behind me.

It seems an eternity, but it was probably only three minutes when Taye comes back, spews off a line of numbers, and Big Mac tells me I’m good to go.  I could almost hear the collecting sigh of relief from the drivers behind me.

Here’s the deal, time and mileage are money.  I’ve just driven eight miles to get to the Princess’ home then wasted another seven or eight minutes to get inside the damned gated community that the Princess did not tell me was accessible only on Bob Hope Drive and also did not tell Mac I was coming.  Calm down, Dan, she probably wants to go for a long ride where the fare will be amazing. 

So, I wind through the complex with lakes and pools and ponds and ducks and tennis courts and a few minutes later I pull up in front of Princess Taye’s modest looking tract home in her gated community.  She knows I am there obviously, from the phone call and I can see on my app that she is looking at me (kind of ).  But no Taye.

After a couple more minutes, I get out of the car and as I do the front door opens and here she comes.  Dressed head to toe in black (on a 92 degree day), on the cell phone, fumbling to lock the front  door, then gets into the back seat after I open the door for her still yammering away on the Princess phone.  I go to the driver’s seat and she has not entered the destination on the app so I have no idea where we are going.  

Two minutes later, the Princess finally ends her very heated conversation on the phone at which time I say, “Good afternoon, Taye, where are we off to today?

Taye:  “Wellllllllllll, I was going to the tennis tournament, but I’m not going now, so I don’t need you.”

Me, thinking, you damned bitch, but keeping my cool:  “Well, I just drove eight miles to pick you up and ….” And just then her phone rings.

Taye (on the phone):  “What?  What do you want?  I already told you.  No!  Not now!  F*&k you!  I’m going there whether you like it or not.”

Me thinking “Oh my, why don’t I have a camera rolling for this type of crap?”

Taye (to me after slamming the phone in her lap):  “Take me to the tennis tournament and get me there in ten minutes.”

So much for heading back to Palm Springs.

Me: “Uh, you know, I really can’t do that in ten minutes.  Without traffic it’s 15 minutes and with traffic it’s longer.”

Taye:  “Just go.”

So I turn around, head out, ask her if she’d like some music.

Taye:  “No.”

Except for her frantic tapping on the phone texting, it is total silence until we get to the tennis tournament, 20 minutes away, at which time she says “Where are you going?”

Me: “The Uber drop off point” for the tournament, which is a half block away from the stadium.  Uber drivers are only allowed to drop of passengers at a specific spot, and it is STRICTLY enforced.

Taye:  “Oh, no you don’t.  That’s too far for me.  You’re taking me to the VIP drop off point at the front of stadium 1.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t do that because I am not allowed in there without special passes.”

Taye: “Well, I have the pass, go there now.”

So, I took the “Uber” sticker off my windshield as I pulled in the VIP drop off point just before I was confronted by a security guard who asked where my VIP pass was.  To which I said, “She has it,” pointing to the Princess in the back seat. At which point, she says, “Oh, I forgot it.” She opens the door, bolts from the car and that’s the last I saw of that bitch.

The security guy was cool.  He just laughed and let me go on my way.  I gave Taye a three star rating which is pretty bad for a rider.  After she left, I saw my rating as a driver drop, meaning she gave me less than five stars, threatening my ability to drive in the future.  But hey, I made $8.23.  Thank you, Princess Taye.  Your karma will catch up with you. 

My next and final ride for the day was a group of nice people from Virginia attending the tennis tournament and heading back to their rental home in Palm Springs.  It got me closer to home, they gave me five stars, but it will take several more five star ratings to erase the negative impact of Princess Taye.  Good times!